So, this week, let's examine our gender roles? How come so many of us adhere to gender roles in this day and age? IF men and women are moving towards equality in relationships, workplace, etc. how come we still adhere to masculine and feminine roles? My husband and I both are college professors, yet, the distribution of work around the house is still not evenly divided. I am still taking on the role of cleaning, childcare, organizing the home, shopping. My husband does his "manly" duties but, does significantly less around the home...yet, we both teach/work full time? How is it that as a gender communication instructor that I am caught up in these roles? Do you find yourself stuck in old fashion gender roles? Or, perpetuate their existence in your life, family, work, school? Do these roles help us understand ourselves better, and promote our personal goals or inhibit our growth? Are they barriers to our society or merely means to civility? How are you playing out gender roles in your life?
I think it's very easy for all of us to perpetuate the gender roles dictated by society for our sex. I feel that changing our gender roles takes a constant awareness and a tremendous amount of effort. Constant bombardment from all sides with pressure to be feminine if we are female and masculine if we are men provides little room for creating our own gender.
For the record, I am 27, engaged and live with my fiancee. I do find that to some extent, I am stuck in the traditional feminine role that I was socialized to be. I obsess over my weight, I have a poor self-image and I'm constantly "counting calories." I strive for perfection when it comes to appearance. I love to cook and my house is always clean. I do the grocery shopping and take care of the cat (he's like our child!). I take care of the dry cleaning and laundry, pay the bills and send out birthday cards. I do all of these tasks without blinking an eye in addition to school and working full time. I don't know how to change a tire, and I do not have enough upper body strength to shovel 12 inches of snow. I don't know how to create a wireless network or hang a ceiling fan. These are all masculine tasks that Dan is responsible for. I find that I have the same expectations of other men and women. For instance, I have a female co-worker who doesn't like to cook and find it abnormal.
At work, I smile and am approachable. Guests and visitors to our office often call on me for assistance. My co-workers often tell me that I smile and make eye contact too frequently.
I feel that gender roles are only as inhibitory as you allow them to be. The textbook reading has caused me to do a lot of self-reflection and reflect on my relationships with members of both sexes. I think they can allow us to understand ourselves better if we are aware of them, how they develop and how they affect our lives. Knowledge stimulates personal growth.
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You know, gender roles are as old as humanity itself. From the first people on, men and women have had different responsibilities and ways of doing things. The comforting part though is that these roles have not remained static throughout history--the roles of every gender are constantly being altered and morphed into something new. In some parts of the world, men are what we consider feminine and the women take on what we would call the masculine roles. Gender roles are relative to time and space--the roles of individuals are different now than they were 50 years ago, and 50 years from now they will be different than they are today. Especially now, with a growing awareness of the self and other, citing specifically equal rights movements, the roles of people are becoming less and less prescribed. Just remember that if you personally don't agree with something, be it gender roles or whatever, then don't take part in it.
ReplyDeleteReply to Jacqueline's Week #2 post
ReplyDeleteBeing in the legal field, I have found that it is common for many female attorneys to maintain their maiden name for professional reasons. I think that if I had established a successful career prior to marrying, I would probably maintain my maiden name.
When my father asked me if I would change my name when I get married, I also did not hesitate to answer yes. I suppose I am succumbing to traditional patrilineage.
I did want to share with you that last week, I had to call and pay a bill for my fiancee. When I gave the account representative the account information, she immediately called me Mrs. Farrington (my fiancee's last name). I didn't bother to explain to her that we are not in fact married yet but it is very interesting that most assume that women who marry do change their last names.
Response to Irene's WEek #2 post
ReplyDeleteI do not feel that there is anything home with wanting to be a stay at home mom. I think being a stay at home mom can be very fulfilling and rewarding. My mother was home with my brother and I until we were in middle school and I wouldn't trade those years that my mom was home with us for anything. My fiancee and I do not want to have children, but if that happens to change, we both agree that we would want to be in a position that I could stay home with our children until school age.
I also think that too much emphasis is placed on education as a stepping stone to a career. Education is never a waste. I know several people that went to school for one thing and are doing something completely different with their lives.
Your boyfriend is correct. So often we find that we have to explain our actions to others when in fact we really have no one to answer to but ourselves.
I struggle with finding a balance between the 1950's and 2010 as you say. Ultimately we all have to do what makes ourselves happy.
Best of luck to you in whatever you choose to do! :)
I think we decide whether to stay in roles whether they are gendered roles or other types of roles. Reprogramming these roles isn't easy....as boys grow into men with masculine role models and vice versa with women as the nuturing, homemakers...I am teaching my husband at times my role and he is teaching me his role...maybe, our daughter won't be so defined in a gender role as we are when she becomes an adult...
ReplyDeleteFunny, as I read this post, I thought that you didn't sound happy? Maybe, I am just reading into this post too much? You are setting up roles that will continue after you are married....just something to think about...never understand why any role in a marriage needs to be assigned and done because someone else did it that way...
ReplyDeleteWeek #4
ReplyDeleteSo here we are in week #4 and I can hardly believe how quickly summer classes come and go.
I hadn't checked in last week because quite honestly I didn't have much to say. I sometimes struggle with living in a world where gender stereotypes (as well as other stereotypes) are so prevalent in our everyday lives. At times, I find it hard to be so aware. Ignorance truly is bliss. Sometimes, the responsibility for educating others on what they are doing to perpetuate gender stereotypes is exhausting. I understand that we can't control how others think, but I just feel that generally speaking, people have gotten so lazy and choose not to think for themselves. We all have to be proactive and decide for ourselves how to live our own lives.
Sometimes, I just feel so overwhelmed by all the ways gender and other expectations are forced upon us. If I'm not smiling every minute of everyday at work, I am asked what is wrong. I am a very "smiley" person but just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean that I'm not happy.
I do support the adoption of children by gay couples. We should all be concerned with whether or not a couple, gay or otherwise, can provide a safe and loving home for a child and not what goes on behind closed doors.
Okay, so I've got a story to tell. I should have posted this last week, but anywho, better late than never. After our discussion board post topic last week about the female soccer player ripping her shirt off after a victory, I brought it up with my co-workers (two men, and another woman ranging in age from 30-61). This conversation actually led to a conversation about clothing and what is appropriate dress for men and women (the jump off point being that a sports bra is hardly revealing, and that women wear skimpier bikinis on the beach).
All three of my co-workers placed a tremendous emphasis on physical appearance. We talked about men's bathing suits and how some middle-aged, overweight men wear speedos on the beach and how unattractive this is. We also discussed women's clothing and how overweight women shouldn't wear spandex. Why do we care so much about what others wear? I chimed in and simply said that confidence is attractive, and if a man or woman is confident enough and comfortable enough to wear an article of clothing that another might find "unattractive", then so be it. The clothing doesn't make the man. We tend to judge one's character based on outward appearance far too often.
And PS to Prof. M., the unhappiness that you sensed was accurate!! :(